Everybody Wins... Or Do They?

In the 8 or so years since I started working at summer camps and afterschool programs, I've heard the phrase "everybody wins" more times than I can count. Maybe the counselor forgot to keep score; maybe it wasn't quite clear who won, maybe they knew that they had a kid who would get really upset if they lost, or maybe they just said it because they'd heard it said so many times before. I'm sure I've said it a few times myself. But recently I've been hearing the phrase "everybody wins" a lot more than ever before, and every time I hear it, I cringe a little bit.

What are we teaching kids when we tell them that "everybody wins"? I'm not usually an incredibly competitive person--though I do have a competitive side that comes out every now and then--and I think that there is value in sometimes playing just to play, no keeping score. But when we start teaching kids that everyone wins, and therefore no one loses--will they know how to lose graciously later on in life? Nobody can win all of the time, and if we are teaching kids that they can, are we setting them up to fail?

I was in a meeting recently where someone was discussing a camp that had counselors at the archery range who would stand beside a kid who was struggling and shoot at the same time so that the kid would think they hit the target. I had a huge issue with this. Yes--it is a great feeling for a kid to hit the archery target. But if they didn't hit it on their own, it takes away the sense of accomplishment for all the kids who worked hard to hit the target on their own, and if the camper realizes the counselor did it for them, they lose confidence in themselves. Obviously we want to set kids up for success at camp, but there are great ways to set kids up for success without faking it.

One of the great things about camp is that it teaches kids so many life skills. Independence, friendships, responsibility, and a sense of community are all things that we tend to be intentional about teaching kids at camp. But what if we started being more intentional about teaching kids to lose graciously? What if we spent more time intentionally teaching campers that everything isn't always going to be easy, but that sometimes the things we work the hardest for are the things that end up meaning the most to us?